


Numbess/Warmth

by PresAlex



Category: Septimus Heap - Angie Sage
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, As you do, Communication, Depression, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Suicidal Ideation, almost forgot that one, nicko is very sad and doesnt know people can help, please help i dont know how to indent, snorri tries her best to help, they are so soft and so in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-15 09:18:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10553870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PresAlex/pseuds/PresAlex
Summary: Snorri wakes up to find Nicko missing and finds him sitting outside in the cold. The two have a talk about how Nicko is feeling and how Snorri can help.





	

When Snorri awoke she knew something was amiss. The sky that could be seen through the window was pitch black. Large grey clouds covered the stars and the heavy pitter-patter of rain could be heard on the roof. The only noise besides the rain was the muted creaking as the house settled. A quick glance at the clock beside the bed confirmed that it was two am so the darkness was normal. Her cat Ullr was curled up on the bed beside her feet just like he usually did. What wasn’t normal, especially for two am, was the fact that the bed beside her was cold and empty. The blankets had been pulled up around Snorri’s chin lovingly but her boyfriend Nicko was nowhere in the room.  


As carefully as she could without disturbing Ullr, Snorri slid off of the bed. She slipped on a pair of slippers and quietly exited the room. Their house was small so she didn’t have too much ground to cover in her search for her boyfriend and her wanderings only took her fifteen minutes in total. After a second trip through the kitchen area, living room, office, and bathroom, Snorri began to grow worried.  


She trusted that Nicko wasn’t in danger as he’d taken the time to tuck the blankets around her so she would not wake up cold, and he mustn’t have gone far or she would have found a note from him explaining where he was. Snorri sat on one of their chairs near the front window for a moment, resting her head in her hands, trying to understand where her boyfriend could have gone. Eventually, she glanced up and looked out at the sky and the rain falling outside. Instead of the darkness and rain outside alone, she saw her boyfriend sitting on the front porch staring ahead into the darkness. He was barely visible only by the light of the moon that filtered through the clouds. His pajamas were soaked with rain but he didn’t seem to notice. Snorri cursed and hurried back to the bedroom.  


From the closet, she grabbed herself a jacket and snatched Nicko’s jacket as well. Ullr glanced up at her from the bed yet made no move to follow her as if he somehow knew that she was going outside in the rain. Snorri considered changing into a pair of pants instead of the boxers she usually wore to bed but was too worried about why her boyfriend was outside at this time of night that she just sped to the front door instead. Smartly, she took the keys from the key holder and an umbrella off of the coat rack and gently opened the door, hoping not to disturb him. Nicko continued to stare ahead not seeming to notice her.  


“Nicko? Are you alright?” Snorri asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. He started at her voice but didn’t make any move to face her or respond, only leaned a bit into her touch, “It’s cold out here Nick, you’re going to get sick” He attempted to shrug his shoulders though to Snorri it looked as if even his own shoulders were too heavy to lift. She instead slid his jacket over his shoulders and opened up the umbrella before falling down beside him on the step, “We do not have to talk if you do not want to but I’m going to sit out here with you until you are ready to go back inside.”  


A few long, in Snorri’s opinion, minutes passed in silence. Snorri took in her boyfriend’s appearance worriedly. His unruly hair was limp and soaked, dripping trails of rainwater down his cheeks as if they were tears. His back was hunched around his arms, which were held tightly to his chest, nails digging sharply into his biceps.  


“I’m so tired, Snorri” Nicko eventually said, almost too quiet for Snorri to pick up over the rain.  


“It is after two in the morning, why do not we head inside?” Snorri suggested, seeming to miss the real meaning behind what Nicko was saying. Even still neither of them made to head back inside the house and the rain continued to fall.  


“Not physically tired, I’m just more mentally tired or emotionally tired,” Nicko said a bit louder, finally turning to face his girlfriend. She stayed silent hoping that he would continue talking, “It’s been like this my whole life but sometimes everything catches up to me all at once…” His voice trailed off sadly and Snorri held his gaze. His green eyes were dimmed and the bags under his eyes were prominent. Was this a regular occurrence for him? Did he often wait for her to fall asleep and then come sit just like this and suffer alone?  


“What do you mean, Nicko?” She asked hoping to draw more of an answer out of him.  


“I do not know…I’m just numb. I can’t think of any better way to explain it. I’m usually good at showing people I’m okay even on my bad days I just try to get out of the house when everyone has gone to sleep. I didn’t want to ever bother my family or you with this. It usually goes away after a couple days I just have to isolate myself for a bit.” Nicko sounded so sure that this was helping that Snorri felt her heart break a little.  


“Does anyone else besides me know you’re feeling this way?” Snorri asked, bring her hand up to rub circles into Nicko’s back. She had never experienced what Nicko was describing, but she’d felt homesick before so she tried to empathize as best she could without taking over.  


“Jannit noticed I think. We never really talked about it but she was always able to tell when I was having a batch of off days and we’d sit together and she would let me do less work than normal because I had less energy. No one else knows though. It isn’t really a big deal it’s happened all my life I just need to get over it”  
Snorri smoothed her hand over his cheek, pushing a wet braid behind his ear. Since he’d started talking his grip on his arms had gotten tighter so she carefully pried his fingers away from his biceps, “Nicko you’re allowed to be upset”  


“But I do not have any reason to be! I have you, the love of my life, this house, Ullr, a huge loving family…I do not need anything else it doesn’t make sense why I’m so…sad” He interrupted  


“You do not need a reason to be sad this way. You also don’t need to go through it alone. I’m here for you no matter what” Snorri gripped the umbrella tighter and looked at him earnestly, “I don’t know what you’re going through because I’ve never experienced it but if you are willing I’d love to listen and learn how I could help you” Nicko looked at her with something akin to shock hidden in his eyes and he nodded. The pair sat in silence for a moment just enjoying each other presence. Slowly, Nicko leaned into her and tucked his face into her neck, wrapping his arms around her. She returned the hug as best she could while still trying to hold the umbrella above their heads. Nicko mumbled thank you’s against her neck, and she held him until she felt him begin to shiver with the cold, “Alright, let’s head inside Nick. I’ll make you some hot chocolate and we can rest until you want to head back to bed”  


The pair stood and entered their warm house. Snorri made Nicko stand in the living room while she went to find another pair of pajamas for him. Nicko ended up changing where he was in the living room as his girlfriend went to the kitchen to heat up some milk, leaving him with some warmer clothes and a kiss pressed to his forehead.  


When they were both resting on the couch, a mug of hot chocolate held in Nicko’s hands, Nicko began to talk again. He was sitting with his back up against Snorri’s chest as she towel dried and petted his hair comfortingly.  


“Sometimes I feel like I do not want to exist. I know that sounds so lighthearted, but it’s such a painful feeling” Snorri hummed encouragingly and hugged him a bit tighter, “I wouldn’t say I wanted to die I just don’t want to exist for a bit if that makes sense. I wouldn’t mind dying but I don’t actively do things that could kill me I’m just…tired…of life, of feeling like this, of being boring, worthless Nicko.” He gestured slightly with his hands, hot chocolate barely staying inside the cup. With a tap on the shoulder, she silently asked Nicko to sit up and face her which he did slowly so as not to spill his drink.  


“Nick, listen to me,” Snorri placed one of her hands on his shoulder and the other on his cheek, “I love you so much and there is nothing that could ever change that. Thank you so much for trusting me and telling me this. I’m so proud of you. You, Nicko Heap, are not worthless.” She leaned forward and kissed his forehead, “You are kind, caring, supportive, accepting, a fantastic brother to your family, gentle and helpful. I couldn’t have asked for a better boyfriend. I’m glad you are in my life” Each of the statements was punctuated with another peck on Nicko’s cheeks, forehead, nose, and hair. He smiled softly at her for a moment before attempting to kiss her on the lips but ended up instead pressing his lips tiredly to the corner of her mouth. The two of them laughed breathily and dragged themselves back to the bedroom where Ullr looked up at them as if to say ‘took you two long enough’  


Nicko quickly finished the hot chocolate that Snorri had made for him and placed the mug on the nightstand. They pulled the blanket up around them and fell asleep quickly, facing each other. Snorri was, of course, worried about her boyfriend though the warmth that came with him being able to open up to her took place foremost in her mind. Nicko himself suddenly felt much lighter knowing he had someone to go to for help and to talk to. Both of them were immensely grateful that they had fallen for each other all those years ago.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked it B)
> 
> find me on tumblr- @percyshell-why
> 
> teach me how to indent teach me teach me how to indent
> 
> i didnt edit this its 330 am


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